So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
