Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The power of my boobs compel you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
