i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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