I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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