Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
