I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
