i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
