She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
