We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
