He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
