Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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