first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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