Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
