So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
