I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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