Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
