Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
