i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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