Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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