I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
