The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
