it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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