Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Two words: nipple clamps
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