i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
