Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
