So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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