i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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