Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
