he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
