Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
