My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
