i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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