I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just had sex bonerless
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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