do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
