i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
