I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
