Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
