it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
