1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
