I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
