woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
