Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
