There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
