she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
