Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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