Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
