dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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