i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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