Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You've changed since you got that strap on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
