I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
